Moray Chocaholics Get Fountain Boost To Sugar Levels
It used to be a fountain and then a flower bed and then a fountain again and then turned off after several winos had to be rescued by the coastguard. The bumbling Buckie soaked worthies had come into trouble trying to fish copper pennies from the fountain to feed their white Lightning fueled barneys. With one rescue costing over £25 for a new hook on a pole the cooncil decided to turn off the water. But now thanks to a campaign by a chocolate loving group ‘ The Moray Confectionery Collective ‘ the fountain will once again run with liquid but this time it will be chocolate.
“Tourists will flock to dip their marshmallows ,mugs, and 8 litre mega choco buckets into the fountain” claimed a spokesperson. “By having the worlds biggest chocolate fountain right here in the center of town we reckon footfall will increase 300% and the weight of those footfalls by 600%”. The now empty high street will soon ring to to the sounds of slurping, licking chocolate orgasms and of course the coarse throbbing hum of a 20 foot by 30 foot high storage container running all the pumps which will sit next to the fountain.
To stop vermin like seagulls ,pigeons and rabid haggis from feeding on the brown bounty an additive called vermin-a-no-no will be used. “This new compound made from byproducts from the plastics industry is undetectable to humans and very,very safe probably”, a scientist involved in the project assured us as he counted some money from a brown envelope he had been passed just before our interview.
The fountain will be milk chocolate Mon to Fri , dark chocolate on Saturdays and fruit and nut all day Sundays.