Fit Came First the Toon Keith or the Loon Keith
Its a question that many a scholar,scientist and historian have probably never asked. But here at Neep HQ an email from a regular reader piqued our interest.
Dear Sir Neep of Neepness,
My name is Keith and i’ve been searching the web for a whole 10 minutes and still not found an answer to that eternal conundrum, did the Toon Keith gets its name from a Loon or did Loons called Keith get their name from the Toon. My wife says who cares but i must know.Did my daft parents name me after a Northeast Toon thats named after a Northeast Loon or did they name me after a Northeast Loon that was named after a Northeast Toon? I make wellies for a living and due to this going round and round in my mind, i never noticed i’d forgot to make right footed wellies all week!! Next week i’m going to be all right i’m sure. Please help as this would put my mind at rest and settle an argument i’ve been having with my cousin Elgin about Toon named Loons.
Yours truly wellied Keith McKethmalruff.
Well to help Keith The Neep sent our best historian on the case, Leonardo Bruni or Buckie Bruni as we know him. The name Keith had appeared to come from Viking ‘Keed’ meaning “bumhole”, but it may also have been related to the Pictish tribe in the area, whiom were known as ‘Numpty Keevs‘. But what Bruni discovered in a fermers kitchen up the back of Newmill will blow Keiths socks and wellies off.
Whilst downing his farmer pals best whisky Bruni found out that his mates family has passed down a disturbing story about Keith and its naming. After two bottles of whisky Bruni’s pal told him how his Great Great Great Grandfather had written down the story. Keith was originally called The Toon. Which became confusing when folk said they were going to The Toon and they meant Elgin or some other dodgy place so a competition was held to find a new name for The Toon. Popular at the time was pole sitting and this was chosen for the competition .This involved men and boys from across the shire sitting on top of 15 feet poles on tiny 6 inch by 6 inch platforms for as long as possible. Leaving the pole for any reason meant you got disqualified.
Now not long after his wife died his Great Great Great Grandfather had fallen in love with a sheep and called this sheep Keif ,Gaelic for sexy sheep. His grandfather lasted 2 weeks on his pole through horrendous weather to win not only the comp but also Keifs hoof in marriage. On winning the comp for naming the Toon he wanted it called Keif after his sexy sheep wife. Keif was misspelled to Keith and hence the name we have today. So Keith you are really named after a perverted Fermers animal friend.