Elgin Giles Centre Going Down Down Deeper and Down
Looking to go up in the world ? But too lazy to actually walk or climb ? Then Giles centre in Elgin wont be your first stop, as the escalator is out of action for weeks due to a leaky roof. Years of water falling from oor grey summer skys and a poorly maintained roof has rendered the travelling stairs inoperable up the way but ok doon the way.
This isn’t a Stairway to Heaven where if the shops are all closed you can still get what you came for,this is a slippery electronic slope to an underwater grotto. The lift is still usable but anyone who’s seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory knows to never get into a glass elevator with a mad psycho factory owner and due to Elgins over abundance of Victorian style slave labour factories there is a higher than average chance of this happening. I prefer not to chance it.
Peruse the Argos Catalogue
For those who find themselves doon for some fags and then want to go back up tae peruse the Argos catalogue for Neep styled duvet covers several ladders will be available but only between 6am and 6:15am.
Going to Need a Bigger Boat
As we went to press the forecast of heavy rain was causing consternation in the shops on the lower level, with the extra costs of flippers,wet-suits and snorkels already stretching their profits. Noo a shark has been spotted circling the fountain near Baggs Of Elgin. “Looks like we are going to need a bigger boat if am tae get ma Northern Scot” said a nearby sea captain looking auld manny.